Critical Analysis Losing A Mother

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 1

CRITICAL ANALYSIS: LOSING A MOTHER

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Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 2

Abstract

Different people deal with the loss of their loved ones in various ways. The variation of the

extent of grief and the activities that one engages in, during the grieving period is determined

by one's culture, the level of attachment, and the presence or absence of helpers who may see

a person grieving out of the situation. Grieving can be a conventional way of adapting to the

loss of a loved one. However, most of the times, people handle the difficult period in an

inappropriate way and often end up hurting themselves. Having helpers that will see one get

over the death of a mother is imperative; especially if the child had not yet fully grown to

explore other attachments to another member of the family, as well as the society as a whole.

Even though this situation may pose a problematic scenario, to the left young ones, when

adequate measures are taken towards ensuring a proper recovery of such a child, the great

danger of suffering from other chronic disorders may be alleviated. Consequently, it is

important to understand the concept of the grief that is experienced, as well as the probable

helpers that can assist in wading of the fateful memory.

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 3

Concept of Grieving a mother

According to Doka and Martin (2011), the bereaved may express their sorrow in

different ways depending on what they are in a capacity to do at that time. These actions are

meant to express their grief while acting as a path of getting over the death. The two authors,

however, express their concern over some of the actions that the bereaved may take add no

value in reducing the impact of the loss. The difference on their effect depends on the

situation at hand; the extent of the damage, as well as the course of action that has been

chosen (Smith and Segal, 2016). The situation gets even more complicated when the

bereaved had never experienced such a loss before or never anticipated a day that such a

fateful occurrence would befall them. The rude shock may take them as well, or leave them

permanently wounded.

Earle, Komaromy, and Bartholomew (2008) ascertain that grief is the best way of

detaching from those who are dead and finding a way of replacing the dead with the living

through creating new relational bonds. This demands the understanding that loss is part of life

(Wilson, 2013). The ability to develop an attachment that successfully replaces the old

attachment makes the mourning period short. However, many people find it hard to find a

suitable match, of the living, to their dead (Klass, Silverman and Nickman, 2014). The failure

leads to an extended duration of sorrow, even after a considerable number of days after the

death.

The concept of letting the dead go and moving on comes with a cost. Often, people

may never find a good match wand memories of their loved ones keep coming, especially

through dreams. As times, fear of loss of one’s life may be expressed out of the death of a

mother (Worden, 1996). Others may find life a little less meaningful after the loss, even

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 4

though they may claim to have moved on. Ensuring that such tangles do not deter those left

behind demands proper address of the loss from efficient helpers.

The Nature of Complicated and Uncomplicated Grief

There has been an unresolved issue on whether to address complicated grief as a

disorder. A disorder is something that has altered the normal functioning of the mind, such

that uncommon set of thoughts that are bad arise which are from the norm (Stroebe Schut and

Van den Bout, 2013). Therefore, complicated grief can be termed as a disorder as it

incorporates depression. The depression leads to a psychotic ideation that lasts for a

considerable while, even after a duration after the actual death occurred (Belsky and

Nezworski, 2015). Mostly, such situations result in the breakdown of the psychological

functioning of the mind. Such mental damage, which is involved in complicated grief can

easily cause permanent impairment (Lichtentha, Cruess and Prigerson, 2004).

A developed concept exists, which explains the relationship between the levels of

affection towards a mother to the levels of pain towards the same parent at the time of

sorrow. A very close relationship between the mother and a child will lead to a similar

expression of happiness to the mother if the mother succeeds in business, and equally a same

extent of grief at the time of death (Belsky and Nezworski, 2015). Apparently, everyone who

loves a mother must know that there exists a risk of grieving should the death of the mother

occur while they are in a proper mental capacity.

Complicated grief appears distinct from depression, uncomplicated anguish and

anxiety. The post-loss symptoms used to study the differences between these death loss

effects were investigated by Boelen and van den Bout (2005). Using a confirmatory factor

examination model, the study, indicated that complicated grief yields pretty different cluster

symptoms from those of depression and anxiety (Boelen and van den Bout 2005). However,

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 5

it might be unwise to associate specific behaviours to complicated grief as people from

different cultures across the world express their grief in diverse ways. However, Wilson

(2013) indicates that the pertinent fact remains that it affects people universally and the

pathological symptoms are what people from given cultures may consider as an excessive

expression of grief to extents that would harm the griever's mind-set. This concept is also

acknowledged by (Crittenden, 2013)

Uncomplicated (normal) grief is seen as the standard sadness that is associated with

the mourning of their loved ones. These are sad moments that one recalls the life of their

mother. Often, normal grieving is healthy as it involves remembering the happy days that are

gone, never to come back, yet always remembered due to their effect of affection. This

evokes an assertion that grief is closely related to love shared between the dead mother and a

son, or a daughter. It could be a shred of the memory of motherly love during childhood,

happy family day, or a celebration that had made the mother happy (Lamb et al., 2013).

Healthy grief is affected by several determinants; who, how and what is the

relationship between the grieving and the dead as Wilson (2013) explains. Grieving a mother

may not be as bad grieving a child. However, the grieving mother may be determined by the

age of the child, the dependency of the child to the mother and the history that the two share.

Healthy grief is expressed with tears of sadness. That express the hearts, pain, and anguish

after recognising that their beautiful mother is no more. Sudden deaths are received with

shock and disbelieve, and usually, children will want to reject the news.

Helpers and their Impact to a Bereaved who is Grieving

The primary group of assistants are the professional counsellors. They are helpful as

they introduce the concept of overcoming the grief from a professional tone, and may come

in handy, particularly when close relatives are not available to see the child who has lost a

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 6

mother get over the death. At times, the counsellors may use a professional appeal that does

not may lead to the desolate rejecting the counsel (Parker and Manicavasagar, 1986).

Therefore, to avoid this setback, counsellors have to be vigilant and assess their method to

avoid biases, unwelcoming approaches and inappropriate intervention methods. Additionally,

since most of the instrumental grievers who are affected by the death of their mothers are

men, is prudent that a counsellor adopts methods that have managed to help men get over the

death of their parents.

Worden (2008) expresses his concern over how the bereaved handle the mourning

process. The first aim of any helper should be bringing sense to the bereaved. Denial of

reality is a common phenomenon that happens with many who are left. This situation is

worse when the death is abrupt and unexpected. Explaining the fact that everyone faces such

a situation, so long as they have treasured people who are close, at one point in life, is not

easy. Professional counsellors are best fitted to develop this kind of reality.

Among the used approaches is discussing the person in a contemplation mode that

accounts for the best moments encountered with the departed mother (Worden, 2008). A

particular discussion can then be directed to the event of the death, such as the cause,

situation during the death, situation after the death, and anticipated changes that will occur

now that the mother is no more. Such a discussion therapy will passively make the patient

realise that the mother is no more and things are going to change. Additionally, the analysis

enriches the patient with important resolutions that can be helpful in adapting to the new life

ahead.

The next issue regards cruising the left children with a series of self-reflections that

help them identify themselves as highly appreciated people within a community in spite of

the loss they just incurred (Le Roux and Smith, 1998). Community representatives may be

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 7

best suited in giving this kind of sessions as they best understand the life of the left kids

before the mother died and the likely changes that the children will encounter, now after the

change in the circumstance. Crucial aspects that ought to be dealt with is esteem and self-

worth (Balk, 1983). The fought feelings are anger, disappointment, guilt, loneliness and

helplessness.

Close people within the neighbourhood and the society, in general, is expected to

provide companionship and assure the left children that the death was not their doing. Some

of the feelings may be disguised within the victim, and they may suffer internal wounds that

are dangerous since they may not be discovered in time (Schermerhorn et al., 2013).

Expressing these emotional reactions and exhausting them within oneself is a major step

towards efficient recovery (Worden, 2008). Among the useful techniques of fighting these

hidden emotions are using low-key words that may bring the victim to senses and explain

what they hate about their mother (O'Leary and Gaziano, 2011). A child may exclaim that

they did not like being late from school for they would not meet a happy mum. This may

connote some expression of sadness and fear that otherwise, would not have been explained

openly.

Closely related to getting over the experience is empowering the children to live

without the deceased. Close relatives ought to take up this mantle. Children who are still

under-aged to become self-reliant must be brought into families of those who were already

close to them (O'Leary and Gaziano, 2011). These are the people who take up the roles of the

dead mother and assure the children that life still moves on, even without the mother. Even

though it is noted that finding a perfect substitute is not easy, the child has to adopt an

appealing option.

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 8

Most aunties will form great mother replacements for their nephews and nieces

(Grant‐Marsney, Grotevant and Sayer, 2015). Often, the children will view these persons as

their parents especially when the sisters look alike. The efficiency of this method depends on

the past relationship between the child and the new mother. The new mother’s lifestyle

determines the adaptability of the child to a great extent (Grant‐Marsney, Grotevant and

Sayer, 2015). The roles played by the mother to the bereaved is critical in ensuring that a

comfortable adaptation takes place. Grown up children will want to move from their homes

once their mother dies, in search of a replacement. They may even quit their jobs during the

period of grief, in a bid to looking for a substitute. Often, the quick and rush decisions are

erroneous and are maladaptive response measures (Worden, 2008).

Friends can assist grown-up children in divesting their attachment to their mother to

other persons who may be living. While most people feel that life has come to an end after

losing their dear ones, finding treasured persons, suitable for placing their love is important in

their life (Bonanno et al., 2002). At times, people may react too soon as a result of

desperation and seek relations with people who may end up ruining them. Taking guidance

from those close in their contemporary life can find them develop even more intimate

relationships with other people, that may advance and surpass that of the mother. Young male

children could gradually develop relationships with young ladies that could even lead to

marriage. While most boys that are victims of this situations try to find a replica of their

mothers in the young women that they may pursue, Bonanno et al. (2002) indicate that

healthy relationships may eventually develop out of the quest for a mother’s substitute.

Professional grief counsellors are critical recovery persons that can help in assessing

the measures that have been taken by a victim of death (Worden, 2008). These are commonly

known as the defence actions and the adapted coping skills. The challenge presented by this

important step is developing enough trust that will allow the young one who has lost a mother

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 9

to share their progress with the therapist. Often, some actions that one undertakes are not

healthy and may lead to the undesirable ending. At times, a patient may attempt taking small

doses of drugs to relax. This behaviour can easily escalate to drug addiction and an eventual

destruction of life.

Identifying people who have suffered from similar problems provides a lively and

experienced yet casual advice that may lack within the expertise of a professional grief

counsellor. The therapists could advise on persons who encountered the loss of a mother and

fair on well with the loss. These individuals are loaded with the first-hand experience and will

form great gatekeepers for the new victims. Platitudes could help, especially when mentioned

from experienced personnel. A strategic selection of a platitude will elucidate the fear and

distress caused, and as well express concern and support where needed.

Different kind of helpers offer varied form of assistance to the bereaved. However, it

is clear that none of the helper offer exhaustive aid. All the helpers need assistance from

others at one point or another. While professionals offer extensive aid in identifying the kind

of pain that a child who has loosed a mother suffers from, certain promising solutions are out

of the hands of such a profession. From the analytical context of the paper, relatives offer the

best help to the bereaved. However, the relatives ought to be close enough to the left victim

and must receive professional advice from a professional grieving counsellor on how to aid

the victim. The relationship between the helper and the victim must be close enough so that

the victim feels secure to open up and express the innermost, yet the most harmful, fears

(Brodzinsky and Pinderhughes, 2013).

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 10

Conclusion

Experiencing the death of a mother is not easy. The extent of the felt sorrow may

differ from the relationship that existed between the mother and the left children. The course

of action taken in the event of grieving differ with culture and the factors that determine the

level of attachment that had existed between the two persons. At times, even health officers

may not detect the effects of such grief, especially when the young ones are not bold enough

to express their fear (Heiney, 1991).

While most grievers will reject any support offered to them, at the time of need, due

to desperation, it is critical that these characters are followed closely. Such measures will

ensure that their grief does not push them into doing something that may cause more harm or

death (Stroebe Schut and Van den Bout, 2013). Additionally, unmonitored individuals may

develop chronic problems from the depression, such as Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress

Disorder and Complicated Grief (Heiney, 1991). Containing these conditions demands closer

follow-up of the bereaved and showing them the way forward. Healthy grief is something

positive as it a critical measure in overcoming the death of a mother. Therefore, the left ones

should be guided on the activities to involve in, during the regular grieving period.

The primary focus of the grieving period is getting over the death of a mother and

adapting the new life without the beloved mother. This demands proper assertions and

lifelong decisions that ought to be done with equal seriousness. The success of grieving is

realised when the tearful person successfully adapts a new life with less damage to

themselves.

Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 11

References

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Boelen, P.A. and van den Bout, J., 2005. Complicated grief, depression, and anxiety as

distinct post loss syndromes: A confirmatory factor analysis study. American Journal

of Psychiatry, 162(11), pp.2175-2177.

Bonanno, G.A., Wortman, C.B., Lehman, D.R., Tweed, R.G., Haring, M., Sonnega, J., Carr,

D. and Nesse, R.M., 2002. Resilience to loss and chronic grief: a prospective study

from preloss to 18-months postloss. Journal of personality and social

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Brodzinsky, D. and Pinderhughes, E., 2013. Parenting and child development in adoptive

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Crittenden, P.M., 2013. Attachment and psychopathology. Attachment theory: Social,

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Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 12

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Critical Analysis: Losing A Mother 13

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